How I work:
- I offer a safe and confidential space.
- I strive to be open to, and interested in feedback from my clients.
- I aim to be responsive, flexible and adaptive to feedback and look at what I can learn from it.
- I try to find out from clients what they want and need, rather than making assumptions about what might be best for them.
- I try to be clear with clients about what they want, and strive to articulate this in a negotiating, collaborative way.
- I value difference and diversity, and consequently have a commitment to social justice.
- I believe that there are no single, right answers to life's most fundamental questions, and hence I value alternative opinions and am keen to engage in dialogue
- I listen to what the client chooses to talk about, highlight what I notice, ask questions to clarify the meaning, help to connect with feelings and explore choices.
- If the client wishes we can go into childhood issues, and I will help the client to perceive how past experiences unconsciously shape patterns in past and present relationships.
- I can support clients in establishing and fostering the relationship between conscious and unconscious processes.
- I aim to tailor my approach according to the client's preferences; if I cannot offer the best way for the client—because it is either outside my competency or not suitable for online therapy—I will help to find a better resource for support.
My Approach to Therapy
If we are wounded emotionally we cannot heal just by challenging our so-called irrational beliefs, because thinking has only limited access to the limbic system of the brain where emotional memories are stored. We need to leave the sphere of cognition—the thinking part of our brain—and enter the sphere of emotional learning, where we use imagination, feelings and an inner felt sense to heal, where words become symbolic and creative. The problem often is that we think we only have one 'I' and 'I' want to change something so 'I' should be able to do it. But fact is, we have multiple 'I's and every 'I' might want something different. When the whole system is affected by trauma, the different 'I's polarise and become more extreme, pulling in different directions. There is no point in beating them, challenging them, trying to get rid of them. We need to harmonise the whole system by healing the wounded parts.
I learned this also through own experience.
If you would like to know more about emotional learning and the brain you may read this article.
Here's an analogy. If I'm walking along the path, and the path is straight and firm, then you know, just first step, second step, third step, fourth step. But it's not like that. It's more like we're going through a marshy field with some stones over here that you can step on. I can't just tell you to take one step after the other because you're going to walk into the marsh. You want to find the stones. And so whichever is appropriate, that's what you're going to step on. It has to be a flow, and it can't be prescribed. (Dr. Gabor Maté)